I've noticed there are a lot of blokey Valentine's Day curmudgeons out there in Facebook Land today. So, in honour of them (and with tongue firmly planted in cheek) I've penned something to put a smile on your faces lads, to help you remember that - while you may not have a woman on your arm this Valentine's Day - you're still a bloke and need to act like one... ;)

1: never grope just one boob when dancing with a strange girl at a night club. It makes a woman feel cheap. Respect her feelings and cop a feel of both of her love jubblies. She’ll feel better about herself in the morning if you do. And that’s important.

2: when the woman on the bus catches you looking up her short skirt, don’t pretend like it didn’t happen. Compliment her on wearing Victoria Secret lacy see-through prostitute red underwear to work. You know she didn’t wear her best undies to the office for her husband, so she must’ve wanted someone to see it. So let her know that her plan has succeeded. It'll really make her day.

3: if a female colleague at work catches you with your tongue in her muffin, wipe your mouth before explaining that you thought the cakes in the fridge were for everyone.

4: Reciting limericks in the lunch room about a woman from Ealing helps women realise that if they just believe in themselves, they can shoot for the stars. Or, at the very least, the ceiling.

5: Always allow a woman to go through a door first. This gives her a sense of self-empowerment while also allowing you to walk through without spilling those four triple strength macchiatos you bought for the lads up on the Executive Floor.

6: Women appreciated pick-up lines.  It shows them you’re making an effort. Ones like ‘If I were a traffic light, I'd turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you ass a bit longer,’ go down particularly well.

7: If you get a chub while at the pool because of that group of year 11 girls doing aqua aerobics in lanes 1 and 2, make a point of getting out of the water and walking the long way around the pool to collect your towel. They’re school kids remember, somebody has to educate them.

8: Walter Raleigh famously threw down his coat in front of Queen Elizabeth so she wouldn’t get her shoes dirty in the mud. An act that got him a BJ and a knighthood. Keep that end game in mind the next time you see a pretty woman attempting to circumnavigate a puddle. Sure, you’re not likely to get a knighthood out of it, but hey…one out of two ain’t bad.

Let's just apply, for a moment (and for the hell of it) some screenplay wisdom, to novels.

A scene in a screenplay exists for one of two reasons: a) to propel the narrative, and b) to reveal character. With the great scenes doing both. Let's go further by defining a 'scene' as a moment in time and space. In other words, if the scene is two guys catching up for the first time for 20 years since college, and they're sitting in a diner back in the town where they grew up (for example). That's a single SCENE. If they leave the diner and drive off to a local watering hole, it's a new scene because the LOCATION has changed. If they 'flashback' mid-scene so we (the audience) are transported to them sitting in the same seats in the same diner, back when they were 17, it's a new scene because the TIME has changed.

Let’s also remember that there are two types of 'beats' in a scene: an action beat and an emotional beat (more on this later).

Now, Screenplay 101 advice for newbies always gets you to 'show it not say it', and to  always 'cut into the scene just before the action of the scene is about to happen - and cut out again as soon as it's finished'. Now, with all those points as a given, I see no reason why this logic cannot be held up to a novel? Sure, a lot of what goes on in a novel is 'in the head of the character' or 'in the voice of the omniscient narrator' - and these are conventions that are unique to the novel, rather than the film (save for the use of voice over - which should always be used sparingly in screenplays). And sure in a novel we need to describe things in a measure of detail that can be shown in a screenplay in a single shot, so we need more space on the page for that. But even with these things taken into account, I see no reason why, when writing a novel, a writer shouldn't just 'get on with story', rather than indulging in pages without end where they demonstrate how well they know how to string words together. Pages that, more often than not, neither propel the narrative or reveal character (or if it does reveal character, it does it in a 'tell' rather than 'show' type way). Because if drama = conflict (as the old saying goes), surely following the hero on the hero's journey (overcoming obstacles) is a better way of creating said conflict, than padding out a book with page after page of extraneous literary or authorial fluff, just because your publisher is expecting a 120,000 word novel rather than an 80,000 word page turner?

When a novel is adapted to the screen, the first thing done is to strip out the spine of the story from the novel (the action beats). Then, once you've fleshed that out into the obligatory 3 act structure, you try to put back in as many emotional beats as you can, without slowing the pacing down. You do it this way because the action beats (the guys leave the diner to go to the local water hole, and on the way they run over and kill a small boy) cannot be left out without the story grinding to a halt. But you can leave out (if you have to) the emotional beat where the two guys, after meeting again in the diner, flashback / remember the time they went to the self-same diner back when they were 17, after winning the big baseball game. Because the story doesn't NEED that (though it might be better if it's there, of course) as much as it needs the two guys running over the small boy.

Note: all this should be done with due reference to the novel's 'theme' and tone'.

Novels and screenplays differ from each other in many ways of course, but I suspect that 99% of all novels (especially genre novels) would be better if they just imagined their story ‘as a movie’, and edited accordingly. Because if the writer asked themselves ‘would this scene / page / chapter I’m writing end up in a movie version?’ and the answer is ‘no’; then it’s probably unnecessary, and the story (and the pacing) would be a lot better off without it (kill your darlings, kill your darlings). Most books, if we’re being honest here, would benefit from some judicious pruning. Be that unnecessary description (blaa, blaa, blaa, it’s a spooky castle, we GET IT already), unnecessary sub-plots (yes, I’m talking about those ‘alternate chapters’ that readers skim to GET BACK TO THE STORY), or be it too much authorial intrusion (take your hand of your genitals because we’re not interested in how clever you are, we’re interested in THE STORY!).

There are exceptions to every rule. And much of the advice above has to be filtered through the lens of ‘personal taste’. But in my humble opinion, in novels – just like in screenplays – LESS IS MORE. 

Happy Writing!

Cheers :)

Brian M Logan
ThatActionGuy.com

Happy 2013 everyone!

Blogging is fun isn't it? Everybody does it. Everybody has something say, and the inter-web gives us all a soap box to stand on to say it.

Like most people I've done a considerable amount of blogging in the past. Being an active user of the web since 1996 (when my girlfriend at the time, Marama, bought me a 28.8k modem for Christmas!) to being involved in web site design since 1999/2000 (when I launched Australia's first ever streaming film and music website) to now running my own SEO company, it's fair to say I've wasted no end of time writing and posting stuff on line. 

But blogging, for serious writers, is a two edged sword. On the one hand, blogging allows you to share your views on (whatever) with the world (a good thing). While on the other blogging sucks up all your free time, and prevents you from actually doing the writing that matters (finishing your new novels or screenplays or whatever). This is one of the reasons I stopped seriously blogging a few years ago.  

So why are you back, I hear the people in the cheap seats cry out?

To be honest with you, I don't really know why I've suddenly got the urge to blog again. But as with any itch, it's best to scratch it lest the urge become overwhelming. This blog, on ThatActionGuy.cm will house my thoughts on novel writing, screenwriting, movies, and the craft of writing as a whole. So if you're a writer, or interested in the craft, please pop on by regularly. As, separate to my own musings, I will be posting / re-posting other writing articles I come across in my endless hours of using the web as a form of procrastination from actually writing!

Oh, and so far as your own writing goes…let me just remind you:

Don’t let anyone crush your dreams. Because it’s your dreams that define you. So ignore the neigh-sayers. Burn the rejection letters on a pyre of positive thinking. Concentrate on the one thing you can control: your craft. Work hard at that. Learn something about it each and every day. Read voraciously. And remember, you only need one ‘yes’ to make a lifetime of ‘nos’ completely irrelevant.

Because, the more people read, the better the world becomes. And for people to read…some Joe has to hunch over a keyboard for months on end to write something.

No reason why that Joe shouldn’t be you…

Happy Writing!

Cheers :)
Brian M Logan
ThatActionGuy.com